Revisiting

Today, Mary and I met two friends for coffee before my (later cancelled) job. I haven't really seen or talked to either of them for nearly two years, except for when I was preparing to priestess for their son's wedding in Feb. 2005. Mary hadn't met them at all yet. I was a little nervous about meeting with them, not knowing what kind of place they were going to be in, but they really didn't say anything about past issues or their ex-friends that they think I don't know about. I've learned a lot about the 2 of them in the past two years from other people. I guess it started for me when they showed up at an event in December 2003 and never bothered to come talk to me in my booth. That really hurt my feelings, and made me realize what my importance factor was. They knew where my booth was -- I had already been in that space for several years at that point. Didn't talk to her again until out of the blue I got a phone call from their son last January asking me to perform his wedding.

So today went pretty well, all things considered. Talked about family heritage, especially once they found out Mary is a Fleming. Updated on the kids. She tried to bring up the past once, but the topic was quickly changed. As we were saying goodbye, though, she did suggest we get together with a "bottle of wine, some din-din, and maybe some magick". I knew it would come up sometime.

I don't know how I feel about doing magick with her again. We had some great, amazing experiences, but I don't trust her as much as I once did. How far do I want to let her back into my life? How can I do magick with someone I don't trust? I guess it would depend on what type of magick she's talking about and whether or not it is at a level where I can trust her. Yeah, I miss the old days when all of us would get together for ritual, for crafts, for discussions, but those days are gone. Where are all the others now? Moved away, moved on. Many of them were pushed away, and others pushed them away for their own reasons.

I guess I'll withhold my judgment for now, see how things go via email before we commit to getting together for anything magickal. Listen to my gut, and try to keep seeing the whole picture. There's a reason they're still in my life, and a reason they've resurfaced at this point in time--I just don't know what that is right now.

Growing Pains

Tonight I'm doing the "mom thing" -- sitting on pins and needles. My oldest daughter, Shellynne, left this afternoon for Tokyo. She's been overseas before, but with a group, and this time she's flying alone and will be gone for 4 months, studying in Japan. I was just as bad when she went to China. I know I won't be able to relax until I get that email from her saying that she has safely arrived in her dorm. That should be around 6 or 7 tomorrow morning -- right now she's somewhere over the Aleutians. Yeah, I'm worried. Yeah, I'm missing her already. She'll always be my baby.