Caught by the Muse

I finally had the time and energy to futz with my sermon on Friday, since I wasn't working. I made some more changes to it, surfed the net for some ideas, and drank lots of coffee. Went and got my hair cut - it was getting to the point where it was making me crazy and I didn't want to have to deal with that while preaching and giving a workshop! Came back home and settled myself in front of the computer. By the time Friday was over, I had not only rewritten what I had, but added another page and half to the beginning of the sermon. Saturday morning I was back at it, knocking out the rest of the thing in about two hours. I had Mary read it through to make sure that it flowed and there weren't any glaring errors - after sitting in front of it all week, I doubt I would have caught them. Then I printed the damn thing out, and started packing.

It only took us a two hour drive to arrive at our destination on Saturday afternoon. We checked into our hotel, picked up my team presenter, B., and headed out on a mission to find Mimi's Cafe (I had gotten the addresses of a bunch of local restaurants before leaving home). It was only a mile away from our hotel, but it took us 15 minutes to find it! It was tucked away in a shopping center, not clearly visible from the road. By the time we got there, there was a little bit of a wait for a table, but not too bad. We caught up with B., went over the workshop, and enjoyed our meal. Back in our hotel room, we watched parts of a couple of movies, and then tried to sleep. I slept horribly. First the hot flashes were keeping me awake, then I couldn't get comfortable, then the phone rang just as I was finally nodding off at 11:30 pm... you get the picture.

The next morning, we got to the church with enough time to double check that everything was in order for the service and workshop. The service went very well, and everything flowed and connected to the other elements. I had found a great article that B. read before I gave the sermon, and it really helped to bring more focus to the whole service. The sermon went really well, I didn't have to change anything as I went through it, although I did throw in a couple of side comments here and there. It was a little short, but not by much, and we just wrapped up the service about 5 minutes early. (Which meant we could start the workshop earlier and get home earlier!) We had about a half hour in between to eat lunch and set up for the workshop. I got a lot of really good feedback from the congregation. Several said that my sermon had spoken clearly of their journey as a congregation over the past few years. One asked me if I was looking for a congregation to serve as minister, and one said, "Your sermon was very polished. You've obviously given it many times." I nearly choked, but instead I said, "Actually, this is the first time I've given this sermon." Her eyes got a little wide at that.

The workshop went really well, too. A great group of people, really willing to talk about their issues and concerns, and in a very good place for calling a new minister. We got through the workshop format quickly, and had time to talk about some other issues that had been coming up, but were not addressed by the workshop itself. Our contact person was very grateful that we had come and spent the day with them.

By the time we got home last night, I was exhausted, but felt very good about the way the weekend went. The Muse had teased me all week, but when it came to "crunch time" she was right there and ready to speak. Saturday morning's not a bad time to finish a sermon for Sunday - there have been times when I'm still writing on Sunday morning, and still making changes after the service starts!

Now it's back to work, and planning for the next service I'm doing in three weeks. Yes, another new sermon. Sigh......

Congratulations!!!

to Tammy and Melissa Etheridge, on the birth of their twins Miller Steven and Johnnie Rose, on October 17.

Mary and I have been reading Tammy's blog for the last several months and really enjoy her posts.

Welcome to the new twins!

It's a Woman Thing

Consider this fair warning...

You know, must months it's just a hassle, but this month it's a pain. I've got all the stereotypical symptoms - impatience, cramps, headache - and I'm not a happy camper. We won't even discuss the hot flashes I've been having! You could fry an egg on my back several times a day. Okay, maybe you could poach the egg, since it's definitely not a dry heat. I've been having the damn hot flashes for 4 years now, and there is still no end in sight. This perimenopausal thing just lasts toooooooo long! How long do I have to put up with the hot flashes before other things slow down????

Chasing the Muse

I do these workshops for UU churches who are searching for a new minister. I've been doing this for 9 years now, and usually do 2 or 3 of them every year.

I've got my first one of the year (church year follows school year, doncha know) coming up this Sunday. We do the Sunday service first, with the workshop afterwards. I have a couple of sermons that I normally use for this type of thing, but for some reason this time I decided to use a sermon I've only used once before, on the opposite coast. The problem is it badly needs to be rewritten. For one thing, it needs to be twice as long as it is since I'll be doing the whole sermon myself rather than splitting the sermon time with my team presenter. I'm having a hard time reworking this one. Not sure where or how to expand it. Not really sure of the tone or approach I want to use.

I'm feeling kinda frustrated with it and with myself. I know it will come together; it always does, and usually in the twelfth hour, which I hate. I hate finishing a sermon half an hour before I step into the pulpit! But the Muse strikes when She wills, and if I try to chase Her down and force Her to cough it up, she laughs and dodges out of my reach. I can almost see her with her thumbs in Her ears, fingers waggling, chanting "Neener neener neener!!!"

My son, the star!

The Berubians present...

Tales from the Shadow Zone

Thursdays and Saturdays in October, 8:00 pm
Oct. 12, 14, 19, 21, 26, 28
Admission $15

Second Stage Theatre
431 N Brookhurst St, Suite 140
Anaheim, CA

For reservations, info: (714) 502-2249

This is a Halloween show made up of short sketches. Mark and his friend Jared are both in this show, with several appearances.

Coming Out Day

This one almost slipped by me, somehow. Maybe it's because of the sore throat I've been battling all week, the multiple decisions spinning around in my head, and two services I'm trying to pull together on short notice.

It was 12 years ago that I came out to myself, finally admitting in my journal that I was indeed gay. My marriage of 9 years (it would be 10 before the divorce was finalized) was over - how could I justify staying married if I was gay? I had found many justifications to stay in the relationship before that, but this was like a cosmic 2x4 yelling "get out!!!" My kids were young - 5, 6 and 8 - and one of the hardest things I have ever done was to leave that marriage and leave my kids with my ex, knowing at that time in my life that I did not have the tools or the income to support them.

At the same time, Coming Out saved my life. Finally, my episodes of depression with borderline suicidal ideations began to disappear. Finally, I was living my life authentically. I was no longer trying to force myself to live out the dream handed down to me: a husband, kids, a white picket fence, a low-paying "woman's job", doing all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare while the husband did paperwork or left for some meeting in the evening.

I was never happy in my life as a straight woman. I acted as if I was happy when I had the energy to do so. Mostly I was numb.

Coming Out and leaving that marriage was the first part of stepping into my power. I found out who my friends truly were (only 1 stood by me), and I lived on my own for the first time in my life. Decisions were mine to make, not given to me by "the man". I began to recover from the numbness. It was like I was a teenager all over again, drifting through the early years of learning to date, of deciding how much to tell a potential interest (do I tell them about the kids?).

Twelve years later, I have found what I never thought I would have: a wonderful wife, an incredible relationship, a true commitment. And children (now 20, 18 and 17) who have become incredible adults with their own identities, who learned from me to be who they are and not to settle for less than an authentic life.

Snagged from Elfkat

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 788 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

But if I use my maiden name, it says only 293.
And I thought I was more unique than that!!!!

Scenes from Rural America

The new local Park 'N' Ride ?????

Over the river and through the woods

The leaves are beginning to turn orange, and the musty smell of decomposing vegetation is in the air. The nights are becoming very chill, and the days are cooling down. The cats are snoozing on the couch, the dishes are done, and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of the woods. We're housesitting for our friends who took off last night for Las Vegas. We got here early enough to enjoy a couple of days of their company first, and now we have the place to ourselves. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

I love it out here. It's green, it's quiet (mostly), and the neighbors are an acre away. The birds sing, the coyotes howl, and there are fresh deer prints in the mud next to the house every morning. You can see your breath as it mists away from you in the twilight. I'm very conscious of the fact that every time we come up here, we'll have to leave again in a few very short days and return to the urban sprawl and rush hour traffic in LA. I hate that part. Just as I start to relax and unwind, I realize we only have two days left. I can't wait until we're able to move up here to our own place and our own land and gardens and animals. I'll hate leaving my family and my kids behind, but they'll all be grown soon and off to college and their careers. There's no guarantee they'll stay in the LA area either.

It's bittersweet being here.